Friday, September 5, 2008

It's a bittersweet kind of day...

Today I am struggling.
I am home.
I slept in.
What could the problem be?
I am anxious.
I am sad.
I am happy.
I am worried.
Gavin goes to JK today. No, not for the whole day but for one hour. But still... it's starting. Once he starts, then that's it.... he's in school. Breaks my heart (totally selfish) but I am so relieved that he is excited and sooooo ready.
Ah, my one and only. How can it be? I am prepared for my totally distraught self. Poor Shawn. Like it isn't hard enough and then I have to cry.
Oh I know he'll be fine. That's not it. It's just the growing up thing. I just want more time. More time with him little. Sure, I won't miss the tantrums (when he finally grows out of them) but just the little chubby hand in mine, sippy cups in the cupboard, songs and snuggles at night, and the cute little way he calls hamburgers " hangaburner".
I've spent all week watching parents say goodbye to clingy, crying four year olds at my school. It's hard. I could barely watch. I cried with them. It seems so silly. But it's also so real. My emotions are right at the surface. But this too shall pass.

2 comments:

Andrea said...

I'm a year away, and I am crying just reading this.

Brenda Willis said...

There I was, standing on the sidewalk in from of Yarker Family School with all the other moms. We were wearing sunglasses, and not looking directly at each other for fear of crying even more. She hugged me tight, told me she loved me and off she went. And as I looked at her running up the drive with her friends, I thought there goes my baby.
This year, the same little girl started grade 2. And when I Said goodbye, she gave me a "half hug" and ran off to meet her friends. BUT at the end of that day and every day, she can't wait for me to pick her up to tell me about her adventures of the day. THAT makes her growing up all worth it.