Never thought it would happen to me....

I think I've said it before but...
I never thought it would happen to me!
I am a lover of summer! Really... the hotter the better! I long for the sun and wilt at the thought of cooler days and eventual snow. Or at least, I used to.
Lately, I've noticed the change. I enjoy a cooler, sometimes even wet, day when I don't have the "too nice to be inside" pressure of "doing something". I like to stay in. Do nothing. Putter.
I long to wear my new JCrew, apple green, cashmere sweater! What's not to love about that?? I enjoy the cool air while I sleep. I LOVE having the fire on down in front of the tv. And... I am loving Fall FOOD. What's better than a fall stew, roast or warm autumn veggies. Mmmmm...
I like that I've learned to appreciate the other seasons. I will miss my summertime love but am glad to not have the black cloud of fall hanging over me too!

change

I read books about change all the time. I write about change. I work with some people who are resistant to change. I know change. I actually like change. But not this kind. That is... I enjoy and thrive on professional readings about change strategies and research. I do not enjoy my little boy changing. Seriously.

Everyone keeps telling me how much he's changed. Like it's a good thing? Sheesh...
I just want him to stay the same. No, not forever but a least until I can get used to this school stuff. But he just keeps changing on me. He's calmer. He's more independent. He's going down the BIG slide at school! He's interested in Pokemon... pure torture!

A good friend reminded me that our children seem all grown up and then you see them asleep and they look all little again. So, I cuddle him while he's sleeping. I turn the light on and look at him. I let him crawl into bed with me. I just love his sweet little face when he's sleeping.

Tonight I watched him play, chat and pick out new books at his school's Cornroast. There were kids everywhere! A great turn-out. And I wondered... does everyone feel like this? I saw a whole new "school" side to him and I admit, I liked it. He was so very proud of himself.
Even the principal knew him! Not so sure if that's a good thing or not!

So for now, I will attempt to accept and maybe even nurture this change I see. What choice do I have?

And ... more retail therapy....

Just got home from a weekend away with my dear friend Shelley! It was fabulous! We've been friends since kindergarten and we rarely spend any real time together. But when we do it's like no time has passed. We always pick up where we left off and reconnect! It's just so easy to be around her. I am so grateful for her friendship!
So, we decided to get going and get shopping. We went to the outlets in Waterloo, NY and then back to Watertown. We stayed at the Holiday Inn... with no kids and no husbands. We had a wonderful dinner (heineken light too!) and snuggled in for some good ole fashioned chick flicks!
We did A LOT of shopping! Mostly, we bought stuff for our boys but it was delightful. Gavin got 6 new shirts and 3 pairs of pants.... not to mention a few monster trucks! ME? I refilled my stock of vitamin water and some cute things for work! Oh... and some really cute rain boots!
It's not that I was needing more retail therapy but the time away was bliss. Really, it was just the time with Shelley not even the shopping. But the shopping was a bonus!
Now, I am so happy to be home. Just loving my boys and loving my home.
Bring it on Monday!

First Day

So we did it! We got Gavin off to school on Tuesday. It tore my heart out. I thought maybe I could watch him get on the bus at Sue's. No such luck. He was so emotional that morning. By the time we got to Sue's I was a wreck... couldn't do it. I quickly kissed him and drove off. I parked further down the road trying to convince myself that it was okay and everything would be fine. Then, I decided to go to his school. I parked across the road, where I could watch him get off the bus. Funny thing... I saw a Hydro truck in the parking lot. I called Shawn.
Me: Hi. Where are you?
Shawn: At work, why?
Me: Are you in the parking lot?
Shawn: Yeah, where are you?
There we both were watching our boy. Me, sobbing. Shawn, a little misty. Either way, there were a sea of yellow raincoats floating around. Finally, the moment I needed... I saw him. He was lined up on the wall. So sweet. But still, it broke my heart.

Retail Therapy

So, thank you for the thoughtful comments girls! I know... I know... he'll be fine. I'll be fine. Friday was great! His teacher is a wonderfully calm and sweet lady. He loved her from the start.
Then we were off to Gramma & Poppa's. He snuggled in for the night with a new XBox game (Lego Star Wars) and we went downtown to The KEG for supper! Mmmm.... nothing beats a steak and red wine to ease my nerves and settle my belly. We had a nice dinner on the patio. It was warm. The food was great! We were happy.
Saturday we woke up, at Gramma & Pop's, and went out shopping... bright and early! We hit Costco, Starbucks, LuLulemon, The Gap, Heel Boy, Urban Trade, Home Sense, and Kiddie Kobbler. We met Gavin to try on new shoes for school! He was so proud of his new stride-rite Slimers! Too cute! Shawn was in a shopping mood. He got lots of new clothes... finally. He looked so handsome in his new digs!
Lastly, we booked our second Disney cruise! It was a little more than we wanted to spend but who can resist after last year's fabulous time! We splurged! We were on such a retail high! It was fantastic!
And today. We filled a starship shopping cart with tons of food for back to school lunches. We puttered around the house. I cleaned out cupboards in the kitchen and the bathroom. We had birthday cake! Yes... it is Shawn's 45th birthday. I can't believe it! He is such a handsome man. I love him more with every new wrinkle... ha ha! But seriously, he looks great! It's been a wonderful weekend. Am I ready for Tuesday??? Probably not but it sure was great to take my mind of it for awhile and just eat, drink and shop!

It's a bittersweet kind of day...

Today I am struggling.
I am home.
I slept in.
What could the problem be?
I am anxious.
I am sad.
I am happy.
I am worried.
Gavin goes to JK today. No, not for the whole day but for one hour. But still... it's starting. Once he starts, then that's it.... he's in school. Breaks my heart (totally selfish) but I am so relieved that he is excited and sooooo ready.
Ah, my one and only. How can it be? I am prepared for my totally distraught self. Poor Shawn. Like it isn't hard enough and then I have to cry.
Oh I know he'll be fine. That's not it. It's just the growing up thing. I just want more time. More time with him little. Sure, I won't miss the tantrums (when he finally grows out of them) but just the little chubby hand in mine, sippy cups in the cupboard, songs and snuggles at night, and the cute little way he calls hamburgers " hangaburner".
I've spent all week watching parents say goodbye to clingy, crying four year olds at my school. It's hard. I could barely watch. I cried with them. It seems so silly. But it's also so real. My emotions are right at the surface. But this too shall pass.